مذكراتها ومذكراته!!

حُقُوْق الْتَّرْجَمَة وَالاقْتِبَاس مَحْفُوْظَة لَجَاكِس...

مُذَكِّرَاتِهَا

اعْتَقَدْت فِي تِلْك الْلَّيْلَة انّه كَان يَتَصَرَّف تَصَرُّفَات غَرِيْبَة. كُنَّا قَد خَطَّطَنا لِنَلْتَقِي فِي الْحَانَة لِنَتَنَاوَل مَشْرُوُبا. وَكُنْت قَد قَضَيْت أَنَا وبعض صَدِيْقَاتِي الْيَوْم كُلَّه فِي الْتَّسَوُّق، لِذَا اعْتَقَدْت انّه كَان مُسْتَاء لِكَوْنِي وَصَلَت مُتَأَخِّرَة بَعْض الْشَّيْء، لَكِنَّه لَم يَبْد أَي تَعْلِيْق.

لَم تَكُن الْمُحَادَثَة تَنْسَاب بَيْنَنَا كَمَا يَنْبَغِي، فَاقْتَرَحَت أَن نَذْهَب إِلَى مَكَان هَادِئ حَتَّى يُمْكِنَنَا الْتَّحَدُّث، فَوَافَق وَلَكِنَّه ظَل هَادِئا وَشَارِدا. سَأَلْتُه عَمَّا إِذَا كَان هُنَاك خَطْب مَا – رَد قَائِلا: "لَا شَيْء". سَأَلْتُه هَل هُو مُسْتَاء بِسَبَبِي. قَال أَن الْأَمْر لَا عَلَاقَة لَه بِي، فَلَا دَاعِي لِلْقَلَق.

وَفِي الْطَّرِيْق إِلَى الْبَيْت عَبَّرَت لَه عَمَّا يَجِيْش فِي دَوَاخِلِي فَقُلْت لَه أَنَّنِي أُحُبِه، ابْتَسِم وَظِل يُوَاصِل قِيَادَتِه لِلْسَّيَّارَة. لَم اسْتَطِع إِيْجَاد تَفْسِيْر لِسُلُوكِه، وَلَا أَعْرِف لِمَاذَا لَم يَقُل لِي: "أَنَا أُحِبُك أَيْضَا".

عِنْدَمَا وَصَلْنَا إِلَى الْمَنْزِل، شَعَرْت كَمَا لَو إِنَّنِي أَفْتَقِدُه، وَبَدَا لِي كَمَا لَم يَعُد مُهْتَم بِي، وَلَا يُرِيْدُنِي أَبَدا. كُل مَا فَعَلَه انَّه جَلَس هُنَاك وَأَخَذ يُشَاهِد الْتِلِفِزِيُون، كَان يَبْدُو بَعِيْدَا وَغَائِبِا عَن عَالَمِي.

وَأَخِيْرا قَرَّرَت أَن اخْلُد لِلْنَّوْم. لَم تَمُر إِلَا حَوَالَي 10 دَقَائِق حَتَّى جَاء إِلَى الْسَّرِيْر، ولِدَهْشْتِي اسْتَجَاب لمُدَاعِبَاتِي فَتَّمَاهِيْنا فِي بَعْضِنَا الْبَعْض فْتَنَايْكُنا، وَلَكِن مَا زِلْت اشْعُر انّه كَان تَائِه عَنِّي وَكَان يُفَكِّر فِي شَيْء آَخَر.

وَبَعْد أَن شَعْرَت إِنَّنِي لَا يُمْكِن أَن أَتَحَمَّل أَكْثَر مِن ذَلِك، قَرَّرْت مُوَاجَهَتِه بِمَا يَدُوْر فِي خَلَدِي، وَلَكِنِّي قَبْل أَن ابْدَأ وَجَدَتْه قَد غَرِق فِي الْنَّوْم. فَأَخَذْت أَبْكِي وَأَبْكِي حَتَّى غَلَبَنِي الْنُّعَاس فَنَمَت. لَم أَكُن أَعْرِف مَاذَا أَفْعَل. كِنْت مِتْأَكِدْة إِلَى حَد كَبِيْر أَنَّه يُفَكِّر فِي إِنْسَانَة غَيْرِي. وَبَدَأَت اشْعُر أَن حَيَاتِي قَد تَحَوَّلَت إِلَى كَارِثَة.

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مُذَكِّرَاتِه

الْيَوْم خَسِر فَرِيْق الثِّيْرَان، وَلَكِنِّي عَلَى الْأَقَل فَقَد حَصَلَت عَلَى نَيْكَة رَائِعَة.

Her Diary
Sunday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a
bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I
thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no
comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we
could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was
wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was
upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept
driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I
love you, too."

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do
with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V.; he seemed distant and
absent.

Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and
to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt
that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.

I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him
with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried
until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his
thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY
Today the Bulls* lost, but at least I got laid.

*Bulls: American Basketball team.

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